Monday, January 24, 2005
I Come To Bury Blitzer, Not To Praise Him
Today on Blitzer's noon-one o'clock show, he gave an emotional, heart-felt eulogy of TV legend Johnny Carson. No, wait. That didn't happen. Blitzer just spoke about himself and his only interaction with Carson, back in the early '90s when he made an appearance on "The Tonight Show."
Not only did this segment show Blitzer to be the cruel, selfish bastard that he is, but he also played a clip from his appearance on the "The Tonight Show," revealing a younger looking Blitzer with less white and gray hair. Blitzer had just risen to national prominence as CNN's go-to reporter during the first Gulf War and was milking it for all it was worth. The clip also revealed that Blitzer's stiff walking style is almost, well, robotic. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
The clip also made me rethink my theories on the origin of Blitzer-bot. Instead of being a cyborg sent from the future a la "The Terminator"; I now think that Blitzer was a normal human that was mortally wounded in the first Gulf War and was rebuilt by the CNN corporation with a CPU and some cybernetic improvements. You know, kind of like "Robocop."
That's right, Wolf, I know what's up. You fucked up playing that clip, because I'm onto you now. You can't hide behind Jeff Greenfield any longer, because the American people need to know the truth dammit! And I am just the person to bring it to them!
Not only did this segment show Blitzer to be the cruel, selfish bastard that he is, but he also played a clip from his appearance on the "The Tonight Show," revealing a younger looking Blitzer with less white and gray hair. Blitzer had just risen to national prominence as CNN's go-to reporter during the first Gulf War and was milking it for all it was worth. The clip also revealed that Blitzer's stiff walking style is almost, well, robotic. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
The clip also made me rethink my theories on the origin of Blitzer-bot. Instead of being a cyborg sent from the future a la "The Terminator"; I now think that Blitzer was a normal human that was mortally wounded in the first Gulf War and was rebuilt by the CNN corporation with a CPU and some cybernetic improvements. You know, kind of like "Robocop."
That's right, Wolf, I know what's up. You fucked up playing that clip, because I'm onto you now. You can't hide behind Jeff Greenfield any longer, because the American people need to know the truth dammit! And I am just the person to bring it to them!
# posted by throwbot @ 10:47 AM 
