Wolf Blitzer is a Cyborg

This week, Wolf is reporting from Kuwait in what CNN is being described as "Wolf's Mideast Blitz." Pretty interesting choice of words, if you ask me. The Blitz was:

was the sustained and intensive bombing of Britain, particularly London, from September 7, 1940 through to May 1941 by the German Luftwaffe in World War II. Although the Blitz is named after Blitzkrieg, it was not an example of "lightning war".

So does this mean that Wolf is planning on a invasion of some Middle Eastern nation? Does Wolf's appearance in the Middle East signal a new, even more aggressive shift in U.S. foreign policy? Or this another horrible play on words on the wolfman's ridiculously obnoxious name as in "Wolf leads the pack?" Fortunately for those fearing a Blitzer World Order, I think Wolf comes to the Mideast in peace. For now.

According to Reuters, President Bush intends to nominate Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz to be the President of the World Bank. Most interestingly, Wolfowitz would replace outgoing World Bank chief James Wolfensohn.

Why is this interesting? Because my sources tell me that Bush was bound to nominate someone with a "wolf name" and CNN's Wolf Blitzer was on the short list of nominees. I don't know why Blitzer didn't get the post but I originally though it was his lack of a human heart. Then I realized that didn't stop Wolfowitz from getting the job.

Thanks folks, I'll be here all week.

Miami Heat basketball superstar Shaquille O'Neal made an appearance on the Bearded One's show sometime last week and quite surprisingly, expressed his love for the robotic CNN anchor:

Anyway, the Miami Heat star, who, by the way is also an "honorary deputy U.S. marshal" and says that when he retires from the NBA he's going to get a job in law enforcement, is just a happy, happy guy. "I'm very happy in Miami. I'm very happy with the law enforcement and what they're doing in protecting our country. I'm very happy with the police officers all over the world," he told the Wolfster before adding: "And I'm very happy with you, Mr. Wolf Blitzer. You are the man." (He shoots! He scores!)

The bearded CNN star replied, laughing: "Our viewers are going to think I paid you to say that."

Back to Shaq: "No, of course not. No, of course not. I love your show."

Now, I always liked Shaq, but his endorsement of Blitzer is making me think that he might have some robotic origins as well. I mean, anyone who goes 7'1" and 325 pounds is not human. Plus no human brain could be capable of rhymes like this:

I'm the hooper, the hyper
Protected by Viper
When I rock the hoop yo, you'd better decipher
In other words you'd better make a funky decision (whoo)
'cause I'm a be a Shaq knife, and cut you with precision
Forget Tony Danza, I'm the boss
When it comes to money, I'm like Dick Butkas
Now who's the first pick? me, word is born and
Not a Christean Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning
That's okay, not being bragadocious
Supercalifragelistic, Shaq is alidocious
Peace, I gotta go, I ain't no joke
Now I slam it (what?) jam it (unh)
And make sure it's broke